Quick Tips for Couples #1
Who among us does not want to be loved? A desire to liked and loved is part of our human fabric. It is evolutionarily adaptive, helping us stay in groups and partnerships and allows us to depend on others, which ensures better survival rates. As partners, we long to be loved and understood, but the truth is sometimes we also just want to be right.
The Work of Relationships
People often say "relationships are a lot of work." I agree. But let's get into the specifics. What kind of work makes for a successful relationship? There is finding ways to effectively compromise, doing fun and novel things together, negotiating well, working as a team, meeting our partner's emotional needs, relying on each other, talking about what's hard, giving constructive feedback, expressing love, fighting effectively, etc.
The Butterfly Effect
Your marriage is a system where small causes can have larger effects. Take for example the butterfly effect: the idea that when a butterfly moves its wings in southeast Asia it can cause a tornado in Kansas. This is in fact, is how couples’ dynamics work, not just metaphorically, but in a tangible, measurable way. Small effects (or small shifts in your dynamic) can have a lot of influence on disrupting the system of your partnership or marriage for the better.