Quick Tips for Couples

Who among us does not want to be loved? A desire to liked and loved is part of our human fabric.  It is evolutionarily adaptive, helping us stay in groups and partnerships and allows us to depend on others, which ensures better survival rates. As partners, we long to be loved and understood, but the truth is sometimes we also just want to be right.  You know the feeling, right?  I think we all do (or at least most of us do).  The problem is, this desire to be right often pulls us away from acting in a way that nurtures the health and well-being of our relationship.  So we win the argument with our partner.  We lay out the facts and argue our way to some kind of “victory,” but then, even as “victor” somehow we feel worse as a couple.  Know what I’m talking about?  I think many couples can relate.  So here’s a suggestion, next time you find yourself in elbow deep in an argument and you’re about to head down the path of battling it out with your partner: Slow down and ask yourself, “am I willing to invest in losing an argument in the service of the greater well-being in my relationship?” Do I mean be a doormat?  No.  I mean pick and chose what you’re willing to really stand behind and argue about.  Consider investing in the bigger picture of how much your relationships matters to you.  Try investing in losing an argument.  Chose moments where you’re willing to let go of smaller concerns in the service of a more positive and flexible partnership.  I'd love to hear from you.  Let me know how it goes!